Look the cashier in the eyes when talking and stand up straight as you chat. And if you did look very good, you wouldn't ask this question, so I'll make the assumption. I remember the first time I took a Business Trip. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. It feels like a lose-lose situation. bulding up your anxiety is all.. .. have you asked anyone there casually where that one girl is, and what's her name?? So cool how well they turned out. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. ?. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. Granted, this could mean nothing, but its impossible for me to know whats going on since the only place that I ever see him is in this store. This is so uncomfortable to me. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Erin! Im married, so I definitely wasnt going to ask out the cute liquor store employee who likes the same kind of beer I like anyway. The customer may never know if the employee wasnt interested or just couldnt make it, which can be tough, but it also means the customer cant take it personally. I always wanted to date him and ask him out, but I never got the courage until a few years ago when I found out we were both single. In the last few years, Ive had men ask me out, and although flattering, theyre usually significantly older than me (40s and 50s even) and it puts me in a very awkward position of turning them down. This is preferable because she is not under obligation to behave professionally for her work and you can spend some time chatting as equals. And you might realise hey, I only want this person as a friend. - This is a **positive community**. If he say, Oh, rats! So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. But you know what? I can see where youre coming from in general, and I apologize if Im misreading you on this, but I hated to see Aaron take the fall for all men because of word choice. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). By clicking Post Your Answer, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Like youre causing major pain to someone by giving them your #. Its how our brains are wired up. But he wasnt asking her out. If you are standing in a queue and the cashier is chatting with the person in front, if you try to interrupt, you are considered to be either in a desperate rush (which would be highly irregular) or pretty rude. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. Now Im wishing I were single, just so I could use Call me, you teapot vending minx as a pickup line! Be very casual about it. How to ask out a cashier? - Advice Message Board - GameFAQs This, in turn, is affected by how you look, how you smell, what you say, but for basic sexual pleasure - looks are everything. (29M). Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. The only reason Im torn at all is because Ive also heard the stories of people meeting their husbands/wives through these connections. Can't be whimsical if you're worried about life or food or shelter or someone who seems a threat. I personally wouldnt ask him out directly, but would drop some hints about what youll be doing over the weekend (movies, wine festivals, coffee shops, etc.) After about 2 Its not about all men being big scary monsters, its about trying to avoid situations that put you at a disadvantage in case someone does turn out to be a monster. (And even then it might simply have been bad timing: he got in a car accident, etc)(or, sadly, he may already have a GF). For a male, the odds are stacked against you. She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. You typically only hear those kind of stories with hookers and johns (because youre not going to the cops to report a pimp robbing you) but I assume it happens to regular people too. If she doesn't respond, just say "thank you" as the transaction completes and you depart. So if you cant do that, or you can talk yourself into just enjoying the eye candy, dont do it. I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. Do not do this in a situation where someone cant leave or cant answer 100% honestly (positive or megative). Conversation will help break the ice and show your interest. some cookies, ask her if she knows if these cookies taste good. I think that is the difference. One thing. tru dat mirth!!.. Cookie Notice This is why her name is "girl" int this post. Its very frustrating. Be sincere and respectful in your approach as this will leave a good impression on them and make them more likely to accept your invitation. If she is interested in you and has time, she will probably arrange to come to the event some time and you will see her there. Keep a close eye on who listens intently to what youre saying, and who just wants to hear themselves talk. The flaw in this approach is there isn't really an explainable reason for telling her that. I date women. One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/. There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. or "Did you enjoy it" or even worse, "Where were you?". When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. The worst that could happen to whom? a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. I have a boyfriend. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. When she did, the man then ran behind her and hit her in the back of the head with a closed fist, seriously injuring her. Because its *just* flirting? The degrees of freedom available to signify attraction are few. It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. Even when people flirt, theres this mentality that retail workers have to just play nice and be polite, which is often construed as flirting back. Trust me on this, its not good.. I dont think its a horrendous crime to ask someone out, I just remember wishing (as a former waitress) that people would just let me bring them their food instead of assuming were friends now because weve been interacting for 8 minutes in my place of work. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). Or she might clue you in on to where she might be outside of work. should I ask out an employee at a store where I shop? I wouldnt give a lot of credence to the signals in a retail environment, because as others have stated, its his job to be solicitous. My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. This is not a hook up sub Youre not. Giving someone your phone number and saying that its cool if they text you (AND that its cool if they dont) probably helps a lot here, or would help in general. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. Make sure you speak clearly. I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. But don't do it at her work. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. My friend Ilene always talked to the cheese manager at her grocery store. Your a cashier right? Since cashiers handle cash and cards, they must have a high level of I worked in a restaurant and customers hit on me often but the man I am now married to, for 38 years (!) I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. Again, just joking. She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.. When I worked retail, I got hit on a few times by male customers. I had a long conversation with a nice guy at a mom-and-pop camera store, and I felt intrigued. I agree with everything you said. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. And this is where our similarities come in to play: I was thinking, had I not had a girlfriend, would I ask this girl out? now, the girl will laugh or will give an angry eye, depends on how you convey the tone. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. Get her a card to leave with her - write something sincere in it - like hey, I dont want to make it weird and ask you out at work, but you have a really pretty smile Well whats some do's and dont's. I guess you will soon find out if she answers e.g. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. Now I tend to err on the side of it is their job to be nice and their job is shitty enough without you slipping them your number so short of them jumping in my lap I just let it go. should I even consider interviewing somewhere else if Im happy with my job. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. Take it easy, look how she reacts and accept it even if she is not interested in you. Basically, its not the question that is the problem but the power dynamics and concern for what might happen if you reject them given those power dynamics. So I guess its possible for these things to work out. Always follow up after the date if you had fun spending time together, even if it was just for one night! Consider a series of improving options. WebAnswer (1 of 16): No. It's up to you to weigh the pros and cons and do your choice, make the one which will leave you with less regrets as possible. In my case, it was simple. Only guy Ive ever asked out! But I can admit to having a thing for ONE of my customers, so I cant say it never happened. Show confidence. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a message. I dont feel very comfortable or happy rejecting people. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. She's not interested. Most? The cashier will not be creeped out by this approach and can indicate her receptiveness in how she responds to this no-pressure overture. Awkwardness is the enemy of whimsy. If you call someone up out of the blue and she never even talked to you she wont know if you are some complete psychopath and will be very concerned that someone is watching her without her being aware of it. What would think if one of your employees asked out a customer? Im sure there are plenty of wonderful people who have found their partner by asking someone out while they are at work, but Im also sure there are plenty of people who have found partners by asking out their employeesthat doesnt mean the power dynamic isnt there, and that we should generally caution against it as a result. Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. Too direct an approach also creates a Huge Awkwardness when you visit the shop in the future, as now she must explain her rejection. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? Also, don't bring it up again, EVER. If you think hes interested, write your phone/text number down and as youre leaving, talk with him a bit, smile, give your number to him and say if you ever want to talk outside of work, call me or text me then leave. Just as fraking capable of taking care of myself as any man ,thankyouverymuch. It is so awkward for the person behind the counter on so many levels, and honestly, if it were me back when I was working retail Id be terrified that if I said no, youd do something to get me written up or contact the district manager to get me fired. Whatever. And there was no pressing and he never followed up when I didnt call. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. I've just met a guy, he may be the one! Super cute girl at a gas station I go to a lot. If you know Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! Agreed. Except this is not a conversation about whether its ever OK for a man to approach a woman confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way*; its a conversation about a specific situation, namely making romantic overtures to somebody whose job and paycheck require them to be pleasant to you. With same-sex flirting, I feel like its a zillion times harder. We've just spoken briefly a few times i doubt she remember who i am, "i have won million dollars lottery in cash and i can't count them! The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 20 years or so. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. As it happens, safe is the first one. Hello, OP here. It made me question my behavior and be mad at myself for smiling a lot and just being casual and courteous. And movies are basically sitting in the dark next to someone for 90 minutes in an environment that does not favor socializing. Thanks gsa, Im actually not really comfortable asking someone out, and then there is the whole customer/employee dynamic, but it sounds like Im going to have to be the one to make a move so thanks for the reinforcement! Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. Thanks for another positive story!! He texted her later that night and now theyve been dating for like three months! Always be on your best behavior around them in the future. Think of it this way: can you think of someone you think is genuinely rather awful? Should I just hope that I will meet her after work at the parking area? My boyfriend has told me many stories about the waitresses who were in love with him when he was single and I just shake my head in amazement. Retail employees have to be nice to customers. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Aaaaaand now my friend is no longer a regular at that brunch place. O_o Yeah, no. Still, +1 for your analysis and advice to the OP. 3. I've seen her fairly often just a matter of time. That was hilarious. At restaurants this happened a lot and I was never offended and it was only slightly awkward for a moment and a simple I have a boyfriend always worked as a no whether I had one or not. So sorry to say, for me at least, the perceived romantic connections were not real. Thats a good practice for people. What people are saying, is to be aware of the power differential, be aware that the person you are asking out may be in a situation where their behavior is constrained, be considerate of the other persons situation, dont take advantage. At all the boring customer service jobs Ive ever had, my co-workers and I flirted recreationally with customers and each other. It can be intimidating to ask someone out, especially if you dont feel confident in your own skin. If she seems to like the idea, then exchange numbers. Maybe you don't need her number and she can just show up at a place and time. er, to clarify, where tipping is the majority of the income. Or some other thing where you set out an opportunity to see you, an easy one, and see if he takes it. But I dont think that means that they shouldnt do it. If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. She was probably scared shitless. To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole but how else is the species supposed to continue fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. Instead of just insisting youre a dude and this is how YOU think, maybe try putting yourself in other peoples shoes? So now that Ive rambled, I just hope the OP really considers this persons demeanor before putting him in a potentially awkward situation. Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. New blog post from our CEO Prashanth: Community is the future of AI, Improving the copy in the close modal and post notices - 2023 edition. I declined. Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. However, it has happened from time-to-time. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. By entering this site you declare I didnt realize what i had, made her second, and betrayed her.. now that shes gone i feel shes the 1. That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. Alright so I used to work retail. When I was in college, I had a crush on my bank teller because I was there fairly regularly and we always chitchatted and flirted. Um nope and nope. And as others have mentioned, it's very easy to misinterpret her general customer service skill as "signals" of something else which she didn't intend. Hmm Im on the fence here. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. Thanks, Ive definitely had guys mistake friendliness for flirting so I know what you mean. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. (Funny I mentally blocked that). To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. Giving away ones phone number is a safety risk for the girl with indeterminate reward - silly to ask. Dont ask out the waitress, or other person providing you customer service in order to survive. man its hard to talk to girls without being a creeper ! It beats the risk of getting a What, am I not good/rich/tall/whatever enough for you, you bitch? response. Didnt Jen have an awkward flirtation with this barista at a coffee shop? Thank goodness none of them ever tried anything like this, you poor thing! Do this some times. This is also a longshot. She cant be sure but either he wants a cup of coffee with her or he doesnt. The only thing you know about them is youre attracted to them physically, and they are friendly when youre in the shop (which should be the standard for any customer service staff). And then you never, ever speak of it again. Alisons advice on how to make it low-pressure is good. I came here to say exactly what fposte said. Any bashing, hateful attack Ill text you! and then not do it. Of course, if their smoke break is in a back alley behind the supermarket this can't work (seeking her out there would constitute stalking). AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. Write your number on a piece of paper, have it ready when you go to the store. Theres also the fact that we dont know the OPs gender, and we dont know if this is opposite sex flirtation. What are the prerequisites of whimsy? Whoa, is Missed Connections still a thing? When you are in customer service dealing with many people every shift, and are attractive enough for a significant number to be attracted to you, even 5% of men being jerks is enough to result in negative consequences on a regular basis. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. That's a pretty good indication something's happening. Ooh, get a few people to go to a bar in the mall, and ask him to join you all after the shift. I worked at a coffee shop for a few years so awkward when people would hit on me. Help required for approaching a crush after awkward scenario, How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks. Were not talking about sexual harassment, for heavens sake, its coffee (or actually, better causal ideas downstream). I know I can just walk up to her and be like "you're cute, wanna go out?" I was able to give my friend additional details and she said that the employee sounds nervous and that I should just give him a note, and that in fact, a customer of her own has been leaving notes for awhile and they are now dating. And I'd even more strongly recommend not waiting for her in a parking area! If I didnt think i would get tipped if I turned them down, I gave them a fake phone number and then smiled when they left me a whopping tip behind. All rights reserved. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. Try to keep your same happy attitude towards her whatever the result. Don't jump to asking for her number, build rapport first. Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. After about 2 months of running into her regularly, you can usually try seeing if shes interested in going to a movie or something. I'd advise against going straight to her with your phone number on a piece of paper without having some small talk before. It was very intentional for me to talk to you about games.
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